How many children should we have?
Hi Florence, thank you for your comment on my previous post Stopping at Two – A Pledge to my Two Children.
Florence says “Well.. my mother had three children and she would never regret having any of us. If the government recommended we should only have 1 child, would you wish you had never had your son?”
My mother never regretted any of us too Florence, but in hindsight she says she might have planned her life differently. Of course I wouldn’t wish I’d never had my boy. I’m not saying anyone should TELL anyone else how many children they should or shouldn’t have but perhaps now is the time for us to start talking about how many children we are all having and their future – all 9.15 billion of them in 2050! We should debate the issue don’t you think?
I have met several mothers who told me their third child was an ‘accident’ and not intended.
We need much much better birth control services – yes…. in this country, in the UK!
I had a scare a few months after having my son (now aged 4) when I thought I was in the early stages of pregnancy. I called a helpline for advice on a very early chemical termination and was basically told because I was a mother of two in my thirties, I should just get on with the pregnancy. I was basically wasting their time. Had I been my normal self I would have made a complaint, but I was a vulnerable confused woman looking for advice and guidance. Luckily for me I got my period, or perhaps had a very early miscarriage, as so many women do who don’t even realise they’ve been pregnant (see http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/miscarriage1.shtml)
I had never wanted a baby less in my life when this happened or was more distraught at the thought of being pregnant – with an unwanted child. Both my children were meticulously planned and desperately wanted. After this scare, I changed from the unreliable pill (or unreliable me – I kept forgetting it, probably due to having a very young baby!) to having an implanon contraceptive implant put into my arm. The doctor who put it in was very surprised to see a thirty three year old mother of two having an implant as they are still extremely uncommon and generally given to 18 year olds. She said it was great I was having it though as it was such a reliable and convenient new method. At the time I had it, only about 2% of women in the UK were choosing that method (or even aware it existed maybe?). I’ve told lots of other women I have it, as I recommend they can get an impant too, especially if they want to avoid getting pregnant by ‘accident’.
Talking about population control is such an emotive subject isn’t it. My best friends will tell you how they remember me saying I wanted at least 4 or 5 children as a teenager. I feel as a young woman, my supercharged female hormones controlled me and my desire to have lots of children was, well ridiculously HUGE! If you had said to me back then, you know it would be so much better for the planet if you just had one or two children, I would have screamed at you!
I do understand anyone who desires to have lots of children, I really (really) do BUT this is not just about us, it’s about the future of these kids we bring into the world. It’s about a world that’s too small for all these people. It’s about animal species becoming extinct because people are chop-happy with the forests they live in. Do I need to go on?
If you want lots of children – why not adopt them, there are about 85,000 children in care in the UK right now.
Hmmm – this is a difficult one to comment on really. I think the decision to have children and how many is such a personal thing. We always wanted two and are blessed with our boys. I have friends who have three and are trying for more – they are from large families themselves so having lots of people in the house is something they are used to and want to re-create for their own children.
It is personal, I agree but we also have a responsibility to the future generations don’t you think? Making our own personal decision to have less children will help – just like choosing not to drive a huge gas gussling 4×4 or not bothering to recycle.
I have two children, the first was unplanned but very much wanted (he just came early!) and the second was planned to the day practically! I’m happy with two.
Last November I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with my third baby. My husband and I were horrified, to be frank. I run my own business, he’d just signed up for a degree course for later that year. We live in rented accommodation at the moment and the whole idea was frightening. But a part of me always dreamed of a large family, so we quickly got used to the idea. Then on Christmas Day I had a bleed and on Boxing Day I had a miscarriage. It was so hard, and I was devistated for the child that I would have had, the brother or sister that my children would have had.
However, with distance, time and a sensible head on, I know that it’s because my third child wasn’t meant to be.
I’ll be sticking with two, for economic reasons, for practical reasons and because my time is totally taken up with the children I have, and I don’t think my family would cope well with another.
Sometimes I long for a pregnancy again though, and the sweet smell of a newborn. I don’t think broodiness ever entirely leaves some women.
About the environmental impact, I disagree that small families are the only way. A large family who are aware of their environmental impact, who live ‘green’ and who work hard to reduce their carbon footprint will be far better, environmentally, than a small family that do none of these things. It’s about how we live, and how we teach our children to live, not how many children we have.
Hi Eliza, thank you so much for sharing such a touching and personal story. I agree, about the broody feelings but we’re sticking with two too!! Take care, Sharon xxx
And agree with your comment on how we live our lives, totally !!
well i have 5 children & i am very proud of each of them. I don’t feel i should have to justify my reasons for having this many children to anyone, how many children a person has is a personal decision to them. i know there are lots of children out there waiting to be adopted & i would take a lot of them if i could but adopting is not as easy as some people think.
i have to agree with Elizas comments regarding enviromental impact etc, having a large family makes us more aware of the enviroment & we do a lot to reduce our carbon footprint, more than a lot of smaller families i know who think it doesn’t affect them
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and add a comment. I will try and blog more about carbon footprints in the future. Thanks again.
[...] having less children would help? See my blog How Many Children Should We Have? posted under Environmental [...]
Well where to start? the number of children you have is of course a personal choice. My first 2 were planned, my 3rd was conceived whilst on the pill and was a big shock, number 4 was also a bit of a surprise and number 5 is planned (thanks to a broody urge by me) but i wouldn’t go back and change any of it. I was an only child and i found it very lonely so i decided i always wanted more than one child.
On the green side of things i think the way we educate our children about being green is very important, we are moulding the future generations to be better and more considerate to our surroundings than out past generations.
I don’t think i use more energy than a single child family, the heating goes on when its cold, the hot water is heated when i need it. One bath does all 4children and i take showers. We drive one car, a ford galaxy which isn’t a high pollutor and we recycle everything that can be recycled. I only pay £29 a month for gas and £69 electricity, my parents use more than that and there is only 3of them in their house!!
A great topic to chew on but if one day someone came up to me and said i was selfish for having 5children i think i would have to be restrained lol! x
Thank you Amy, I agree it is a good topic to talk about, because the number of people on the planet in the future will affect everything. It is interesting that you think your family of 6 don’t use more energy than a family of 3 people. They must eat more food though, see this blog on food shortages http://www.tishtashtoys.com/blog/2009/12/will-our-children-have-enough-food/
I don’t think you are selfish to have 5 children but don’t you worry about them all? I worry whether my two children will have enough to eat in say 50 years, or somewhere to live which is not flooded etc. I don’t regret having them but I think (I know) their lives are going to be quite a challenge and I feel quite sorry for them
I am however, trying to teach them to make a difference. They already do make a huge difference by not eating meat which is a huge contributor to global warming.
The Times says – UN figures suggest that meat production is responsible for about 18 per cent of global carbon emissions, including the destruction of forest land for cattle ranching and the production of animal feeds such as soy.
[...] last Saturday 12th December 2009 plus other issues on my mind like future food shortages in the UK, overpopulation of the planet and my own choice to stop at two [...]
[...] Maybe having less children would help? What do you think? See my blog How Many Children Should We Have? [...]